Thursday, December 20, 2012

Can't Wait for Tomorrow to End, part I

It's finally here!  The end of the world!  Tomorrow, the foundation of my house will be shaken by 6th graders observing the birthday of one of their number.  Added to the doom will be a giant, trudging 14-year-old capable of spewing attitude from his nostrils, and (more to the others) a pestilential little sister.  I intend to survive this cataclysm by first hurling my stockpile of Newman's Own marinara at this horde.  Then I will retreat to my bunker where everything I need to survive is in abundance:  LOTR and Star Wars on Spotify, Sir Walter Raleigh in a pouch, and images of the patron saint of all good Calvinists who find themselves surrounded by struggle and conflict, Stonewall Jackson.

But in all seriousness, the question we should be asking as the world ends is not, Why God? but, Why can't I stop watching it?  If the world is ending, why aren't I running my middle-aged buns off in the opposite direction?  Why have I chosen to embrace it?  Why am I rubbernecking at it as if Elvis just had a car wreck?

Why can't I turn off Fox News as they blather on about the fiscal cliff, which we were never going to avoid?  Why do I keep wanting to strain apart the bewildering debate over the awful situation of a week ago, when there is no law that could have stopped it, nor will there ever be one to prevent a worse one from occuring?  Why do I keep wanting to pour out my own bowls of judgment on every one who practices Islam and hates America?  Why am I anxiously awaiting news that yet another celebrity or acquaintance or friend has crossed that last river this year?  Why this gallows humor?

I think the answer has something to do with a secret desire that the world really would end.  There, I admitted it!  I am honest, while everyone else is just whistling in the Walmart aisle.

Bring it on!  Apocalypse, you've messed with the wrong Yankee-educated Redneck.

That's all I've got for now.  Tune in tomorrow, and I'll let you know what I saw when the world ended.






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